Few things in life compare to saying “I do” in front of the people who mean the most to you. You want everyone that means something to be there…right? Maybe not. Weddings are pricey, and every guest counts. 

Weddings vary in size depending on the couple’s social networks, the venue’s capacity, and budget. On average, couples can expect to spend about $100-200 per guest, which makes the cost rise pretty quickly as the guest list grows. 

Yes, it would be nice to invite your coworkers, personal trainer, and even Uncle Sal’s best friend so he doesn’t get lonely, but realistic expectations need to be set when crafting your final guest list. Follow some of our tips to narrow down your guest list (and save yourself a headache!)

Determine your budget for guests (and be firm with family)

Our first tip is to determine your budget for guests first. It would be incredibly stressful to send out invites only to realize you sent too many and now have to un-invite people. To determine your budget, have a discussion with everyone contributing to the cost of the wedding. This could be just you and your partner, or it could include family members or other sources. 
Have an honest conversation about how much people are willing to contribute to the budget, and then determine if portion of the guest list should be split by contribution. For example, if the bride’s parents are paying for most of the wedding, would you want to allow them more space on the guest list? Or if all parties are chipping in equally, maybe consider splitting the total number of guests equally. 

It's not uncommon that couples find themselves pressured to invite guests on behalf of their parents. It’s OK to be firm with family, and make sure you start early. Agree upon the number of guests each family gets to invite, and stick to it. If they want to go over, you could have a discussion about that family member contributing more to the budget, or you can stand your ground and explain (kindly!) that it is important to stick to the plan. 

Determine space
This one goes hand-in-hand with our first tip, but be sure to determine how much space you have for guests at the venue. Some venues have a hard cap of 50, 75, 100, 150, and so on, which makes it easy to set a maximum number for your list.
Part of this process will also be deciding whether you want to pick a venue that fits enough guests, or if you want to pick a venue that fits your vision and expectations for your grand celebration (hint: we suggest the latter!). 
Once you have a limit based on budget and space, it’s time to start narrowing down that list. 

Group and Prioritize
A great strategy for the guest list is breaking it down into groups of people. Think about where you know people from and start there. Groups might include immediate family, extended family, close friends, long-term friends, coworkers, acquaintances, neighbors or gym buddies.

Once you have groups, we recommend placing the groups into a prioritized list, with the more important groups towards the top and less important groups toward the bottom. This way, if you have to make cuts, you’ll know to start toward the bottom of the list. If someone fits into multiple categories (let’s say your neighbor is also your fiancé’s cousin), place them into the highest category that they fit with. 

Some helpful questions to ask yourself when creating your lists: 

• Have I spoken to this person in the last year? 
• Have they met my fiancé? 
• Is this someone I would feel comfortable spending time with outside of the context in which I know them (e.g., a coworker outside of work). 
• If the answer is no to any of those questions, it’s pretty likely that they can be placed lower on the list or be removed completely. 
• Limit plus ones 

In previous generations, it was commonplace to give every guest a plus-one. In current times, this can be too costly and can result in a number of people at your wedding that you’ve never met. Weddings are not time for introductions, so consider only giving plus ones to people who are in long-term relationships.

But what if someone comes alone and doesn’t know anyone, you might ask. Easy! Place all of the single guests at the same table, if possible. They will feel better being with other solo guests and it’s a great opportunity for people to mingle. 

Go adult-only
While children are cute and cuddly, they can also be distracting. Consider going adult-only for your invitations as this will work to reduce the number of guests. For couples with many friends with children, consider having a child care service near by the venue for people who still want to travel with their children before and after the wedding. 

Start early 
It’s always a good idea to start early with crafting your guest list and sending out invitations. You could consider sending out invitations in waves, with the higher priority groups receiving invitations first. 
On average, about 30% of the people you invite won’t be able to make it for reasons such as conflicting events, travel limitations, and family or work obligations. If you send out invitations in waves, you’ll start to get responses from people that may make space for others further down the list. 

Narrowing down your guest list may be stressful, but it’s well worth it. You want to be surrounded by people you know and love on your special day. If you’re finding yourself feeling guilty or upset about those who didn’t make the cut, you could consider adding a virtual option where people who were not able to make it can watch the ceremony remotely. 

Remember, it’s OK to make cuts, and people will be reasonable and kind about it. It’s YOUR wedding after all!